March 7, 2013
Enamour
Of late I have been quite taken by a specific word. The word is "enamour". According to Webster it means "to inflame with love". I am quite enamoured with the enamouring word of "enamour".
March 2, 2013
What if...?
"What' and ‘if’ two words as nonthreatening as words come. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: ‘What if?'..."
That quote was from a movie called Letters to Juliet. The movie is irrelevant, I just liked the quote because I think that it perfectly sums up how I've been feeling lately.
There are about four or five events in my life where I look back and pinpoint a specific second in time and wonder "what if" I had done something different? How would my life have changed? Would I have not had to go through all of that? Would have I been saved that heartbreak? What if?! These thoughts have been torturing me for about a year. In the last 12 months I have had a complete and total paradigm shift on the world and my place in it. I have been able to look at my past and realize just how wrong I was. How stubborn and unwilling to listen to advice I was. How independent I was, to the point of a flaw. How often I put my faith and support onto those who let me fall. I was quite the little fool. But, luckily, I have somehow found my way out of that person and into the one that I am trying to me today. Of course I slip up and make mistakes, but at least now I can recognize where I am failing, more than I did before. All that is beside the point.
I have come to the realization that "what if?" doesn't matter in the slightest. The past, is the past. You cant change it. So why worry about it? All I can change at this point is my attitude and who I am right now. All that matters is right now.
I have come to the realization that "what if?" doesn't matter in the slightest. The past, is the past. You cant change it. So why worry about it? All I can change at this point is my attitude and who I am right now. All that matters is right now.
February 18, 2013
February 16, 2013
Slapped in the Face
I have always wanted to work in the medical field. Beginning around the time I could walk I have a long history of playing doctor, cleaning up cuts, gashes and bruises (with 6 little brothers I have had plenty of opportunities to do so), as well as taking care of my horses when they got tangled up in the fence or into some other mischief. I LOVE doing stuff like that. So as I got older that should have been my obvious career choice, right? That's what I loved doing, loved reading about, and loved learning. That's what I always wanted to do. However, when I was about 17 and seriously thinking about choosing my career, I was looking into medical field options and I noticed there was a lot of math involved in most of the options that I wanted. So what happened? I completely and totally shut down. Ever since about 9th grade I have had a deep abiding loathing for math. I had a MAJOR mental block up. Needless to say, I decided that medical was NOT for me. How stupid is that?! I thought that it wouldn't be worth it if I had to go through more than the minimum math requirements. So I decided that I would pursue my other love; writing. One semester into the courses for eventually obtaining a bachelors in journalism I knew that there was no way that would be happy going that path. Yes, I loved the material that I was studying and I found some of my teachers to be beyond fabulous at helping me progress, I just wasn't happy. I wasn't thrilled to be learning. It just felt wrong. So when I came home for a short break in the summer, I was discussing the issue with my mom and she said the words that changed my views completely. She said "Hailey, if you're not happy then change what you're doing." I went on to say that I didn't think I could handle doing the math. I had already struggled quite badly with in in high school and I didn't want to have to struggle through it all again. Then my brilliant mother said to me "if medical is what you want to do, then wont you work as hard as you possibly can for it? The harder the work the greater the accomplishment and the better you will feel in the end". Long story short, I went in and worked on changing my major, from journalism to nursing. Then I found out that the nursing program takes the exact same math courses as my other major would have. I let a stupid mental block keep me from what I really wanted to do! This is a pretty good example of not letting stumbling blocks knock you down. But it gets better.
I am one who believes in God. He is able to help us decide the right course. I all to often feel like he doesn't hear me, but this time he heard me. I had been asking him what I should do about my major and I felt pretty good about my decision to be a nurse but I still hadn't really felt that strong "YES! This is what I need to do.." yet. It was the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and my roommate and I were both heading home for the weekend. I had a paper that I had to turn in to my teacher's office before the deadline and so I was going to just going to turn it in before I left. Simple enough, right? Wrong. EVERYTHING that could have possible prevented me from getting to campus did. The printer wouldn't work, I couldn't find my keys, I lost my shoe, etc, etc.. I was getting extremely frustrated and my roommate and I just decided that she would simply swing by the building on our way out of town. Simple solution. We get packed, loaded, and in the car. I am panicking, thinking that I wont be able to get it turned in on time and I would get a bad grade, so when she pulls up to the building parking lot I do a somersault out of the car (not really) and start running into the building. It had been raining that day and the sidewalks were slick, on top of that I was wearing (always) my Chucks--which have absolutely NO tread on them. My run turned into an awkward speed walk and I was trying not to fall down. After an eternity I made it into the building and just as I was about to take the stairs two at a time, I had a distinct thought that one of the back staircases might be faster then the one I was about to take. This though was kind of weird in and of its self because I had never even really noticed that particular staircase before because it wasn't commonly used, but I didn't think much of it and started up the stairs. When I got to the first flight, there on the landing was a girl laying on her side, facing away from me. Textbooks and papers were scattered all over. Immediately I knew that something was wrong. Within a matter of milliseconds I completely switched gears. Before I was hurrying to turn in an assignment, now I was hurrying to find a solution. As I ran towards the girl I noticed that she was unconscious and that there was a massive puddle of blood stretching in a 3' by 4' radius around the girls head. I have never had any real first-aid training, but I still felt like I knew exactly what I needed to do. I called for help, told the paramedics my location and the situation. Next I gently rolled the girl so that she was face upwards, so that she would not inhale any of the blood around her face. When I did this I noticed a 4-6", skull deep laceration in the girl's forehead just above her eyebrow. This was the source of all the blood, she had somehow sliced it open. I knew that I needed to put pressure on it, but I also knew that I should get as little of her blood on me as possible, so I snatched the scarf from around her neck, folded it and put pressure on the wound. About this time she was starting to come-to and started moaning a little bit. I told her who I was and all that I knew of the situation. I tried to ask her if she knew what happened and she groggily mumbled something about wet shoes. *I'm guessing that she was going to class and since her shoes had been wet from the rain she slipped and hit her head on the stairs* I didn't want her to be scared so I just kept pressure on her head and kept the questions coming. She didn't answer any of them intelligibly, but at least she was conscious and making an effort. When the paramedics got there I just got out of the way and let them do their job while I gathered up the girls scattered belongings. They took her away and in a passing note one of the paramedics told me that if I had come just a few moments later she would have almost definitely bled to death. Wow! Anyway, I got cleaned up, went back to the stairs where I had initially dropped my assignment, turned it in, and headed home. Long story short. I LOVED doing that! I wasn't scared, nervous, or panicky in the slightest. I felt like I just knew exactly what to do. Albeit I was a little bit shaky from the Adrenalin, but it was a good kind of shaky.
What better confirmation do I need than that? I feel that that incident was an answer to my prayers. Now I know why everything was slowing me down and I know that I want to have a career in the medical field. I was going to be an ER or ICU nurse, but I have recently decided to become a paramedic.
This is my story of how God slapped me in the face with my obvious career choice, and I'm so glad that he did!!
I am one who believes in God. He is able to help us decide the right course. I all to often feel like he doesn't hear me, but this time he heard me. I had been asking him what I should do about my major and I felt pretty good about my decision to be a nurse but I still hadn't really felt that strong "YES! This is what I need to do.." yet. It was the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and my roommate and I were both heading home for the weekend. I had a paper that I had to turn in to my teacher's office before the deadline and so I was going to just going to turn it in before I left. Simple enough, right? Wrong. EVERYTHING that could have possible prevented me from getting to campus did. The printer wouldn't work, I couldn't find my keys, I lost my shoe, etc, etc.. I was getting extremely frustrated and my roommate and I just decided that she would simply swing by the building on our way out of town. Simple solution. We get packed, loaded, and in the car. I am panicking, thinking that I wont be able to get it turned in on time and I would get a bad grade, so when she pulls up to the building parking lot I do a somersault out of the car (not really) and start running into the building. It had been raining that day and the sidewalks were slick, on top of that I was wearing (always) my Chucks--which have absolutely NO tread on them. My run turned into an awkward speed walk and I was trying not to fall down. After an eternity I made it into the building and just as I was about to take the stairs two at a time, I had a distinct thought that one of the back staircases might be faster then the one I was about to take. This though was kind of weird in and of its self because I had never even really noticed that particular staircase before because it wasn't commonly used, but I didn't think much of it and started up the stairs. When I got to the first flight, there on the landing was a girl laying on her side, facing away from me. Textbooks and papers were scattered all over. Immediately I knew that something was wrong. Within a matter of milliseconds I completely switched gears. Before I was hurrying to turn in an assignment, now I was hurrying to find a solution. As I ran towards the girl I noticed that she was unconscious and that there was a massive puddle of blood stretching in a 3' by 4' radius around the girls head. I have never had any real first-aid training, but I still felt like I knew exactly what I needed to do. I called for help, told the paramedics my location and the situation. Next I gently rolled the girl so that she was face upwards, so that she would not inhale any of the blood around her face. When I did this I noticed a 4-6", skull deep laceration in the girl's forehead just above her eyebrow. This was the source of all the blood, she had somehow sliced it open. I knew that I needed to put pressure on it, but I also knew that I should get as little of her blood on me as possible, so I snatched the scarf from around her neck, folded it and put pressure on the wound. About this time she was starting to come-to and started moaning a little bit. I told her who I was and all that I knew of the situation. I tried to ask her if she knew what happened and she groggily mumbled something about wet shoes. *I'm guessing that she was going to class and since her shoes had been wet from the rain she slipped and hit her head on the stairs* I didn't want her to be scared so I just kept pressure on her head and kept the questions coming. She didn't answer any of them intelligibly, but at least she was conscious and making an effort. When the paramedics got there I just got out of the way and let them do their job while I gathered up the girls scattered belongings. They took her away and in a passing note one of the paramedics told me that if I had come just a few moments later she would have almost definitely bled to death. Wow! Anyway, I got cleaned up, went back to the stairs where I had initially dropped my assignment, turned it in, and headed home. Long story short. I LOVED doing that! I wasn't scared, nervous, or panicky in the slightest. I felt like I just knew exactly what to do. Albeit I was a little bit shaky from the Adrenalin, but it was a good kind of shaky.
What better confirmation do I need than that? I feel that that incident was an answer to my prayers. Now I know why everything was slowing me down and I know that I want to have a career in the medical field. I was going to be an ER or ICU nurse, but I have recently decided to become a paramedic.
This is my story of how God slapped me in the face with my obvious career choice, and I'm so glad that he did!!
February 10, 2013
Words
Words. Words are everywhere. You cannot escape them. They will always be there. But what are they really? Do we really understand them? We use, see, read, and hear thousands upon thousands of words daily. But what are words?
When spoken, in any and all languages, they are nothing but a compilation of random noises that we can make with our mouths to represent an object, emotion, action, and many other things. When written or typed they are nothing but random lines, shapes, and scribbles, to represent the item that a random noise has been assigned to. That's all they are! Who decided that we would call hot flames "fire"? Or that the yellow, orange, and red flickers of light should be called a "flame"? Or that a brightness that comes from the flickering flames should be called "light"?? I could go on and on and on...
Words are things that have always fascinated me. They are the ultimate contortionist; flexible, variable, able to adhere to any and all positions fathomable. Yet, while being so pliable and supple they are in the same exact instant rendered permanent, rigid, solid, and immovable. It is quite the phenomenon to behold. It is a spectacle worthy to keep even the greatest minds in a state of steadfast confusion and contemplation.
Words have the potential to be honey of the tongue. A few correct combinations of our random noises has the astonishing ability lift some one's spirits to the point that even if they are on the brink of death, they're broken body is struggling to power its life juices, dreadful pain has beset them, they can feel like they can accomplish, overcome, and be anything. And in that instant, they can! Words can bring an unfathomable amount of comfort, peace, love, adoration, and so many marvelously wonderful and positive emotions, emotions that are unarguably essential to a fulfilling and meaningful human existence. What would life be without these emotions? A dark and dismal place.
While they have the potential to give life, words also have the destructive power to take it. Words can hurt more than shattered bones, lacerated skin, and a mangled body ever could. They have the capacity to cause more mental and emotional torture and havoc than the racks of a dungeon. One strategically placed word with the aim to be excruciating can leave ones soul writhing in anguish.
Words linger. Once said, they can never be retrieved. Never. One can genuinely apologize for words that were hastily thrown during an argument, words that were meant to cause pain. But, an apology is not going to stop the victim from replaying those words in their mind over and over like a broken record. They will hear those hurtful words like a dagger in their back every time they are feeling down, every time they are having a bad day, and every time someone else jolts them with a painful stimulus of remembering.
Can you see how incredible they are? Do you share in my wonder, fascination, and amazement?
I have hardly scratched the surface of my deep feelings on the enormity and grander of words in this post. But that is not the point I want to make. I want to impress upon you, my dear reader, to think of what you are creating with your words. Every single word you will ever say, no matter how insignificant you may think it is, builds something. It can be building your reputation, building your confidence, building the spirit and moral of others, building strong and powerful walls of resentment, building a positive or negative relationship (any person you have ever met you have a relationship ((of some kind)) with), or building a foundation for any number of possibilities. Words are building. Always building. Does that worry you? Do you feel like what you have built is what you want representing you? If you don't like it.. Change. Words never go away, but in some cases they can be replaced to some degree. Start replacing your negative words with positive ones. It wont be a tit-for-tat situation though, so don't expect that. It will take many positive words to replace just one negative, but don't you think it is worth it?
What are you building with your words? Do you need to start replacing and rebuilding?
I know I do.
When spoken, in any and all languages, they are nothing but a compilation of random noises that we can make with our mouths to represent an object, emotion, action, and many other things. When written or typed they are nothing but random lines, shapes, and scribbles, to represent the item that a random noise has been assigned to. That's all they are! Who decided that we would call hot flames "fire"? Or that the yellow, orange, and red flickers of light should be called a "flame"? Or that a brightness that comes from the flickering flames should be called "light"?? I could go on and on and on...
Words are things that have always fascinated me. They are the ultimate contortionist; flexible, variable, able to adhere to any and all positions fathomable. Yet, while being so pliable and supple they are in the same exact instant rendered permanent, rigid, solid, and immovable. It is quite the phenomenon to behold. It is a spectacle worthy to keep even the greatest minds in a state of steadfast confusion and contemplation.
Words have the potential to be honey of the tongue. A few correct combinations of our random noises has the astonishing ability lift some one's spirits to the point that even if they are on the brink of death, they're broken body is struggling to power its life juices, dreadful pain has beset them, they can feel like they can accomplish, overcome, and be anything. And in that instant, they can! Words can bring an unfathomable amount of comfort, peace, love, adoration, and so many marvelously wonderful and positive emotions, emotions that are unarguably essential to a fulfilling and meaningful human existence. What would life be without these emotions? A dark and dismal place.
While they have the potential to give life, words also have the destructive power to take it. Words can hurt more than shattered bones, lacerated skin, and a mangled body ever could. They have the capacity to cause more mental and emotional torture and havoc than the racks of a dungeon. One strategically placed word with the aim to be excruciating can leave ones soul writhing in anguish.
Words linger. Once said, they can never be retrieved. Never. One can genuinely apologize for words that were hastily thrown during an argument, words that were meant to cause pain. But, an apology is not going to stop the victim from replaying those words in their mind over and over like a broken record. They will hear those hurtful words like a dagger in their back every time they are feeling down, every time they are having a bad day, and every time someone else jolts them with a painful stimulus of remembering.
Can you see how incredible they are? Do you share in my wonder, fascination, and amazement?
I have hardly scratched the surface of my deep feelings on the enormity and grander of words in this post. But that is not the point I want to make. I want to impress upon you, my dear reader, to think of what you are creating with your words. Every single word you will ever say, no matter how insignificant you may think it is, builds something. It can be building your reputation, building your confidence, building the spirit and moral of others, building strong and powerful walls of resentment, building a positive or negative relationship (any person you have ever met you have a relationship ((of some kind)) with), or building a foundation for any number of possibilities. Words are building. Always building. Does that worry you? Do you feel like what you have built is what you want representing you? If you don't like it.. Change. Words never go away, but in some cases they can be replaced to some degree. Start replacing your negative words with positive ones. It wont be a tit-for-tat situation though, so don't expect that. It will take many positive words to replace just one negative, but don't you think it is worth it?
What are you building with your words? Do you need to start replacing and rebuilding?
I know I do.
January 18, 2013
My Right.
All this talk about guns and the restriction thereof is such a ridiculous mess. It is all about control. Not gun control, government control. Anyway, I don't want to talk about it too much because it makes my quite angry! I promise an in depth post about how unconstitutional this (and pretty much everything that our socialist president has done) is. I also want to inform the world that I am officially a registered member of the NRA (National Rifle Association)!! Loud and proud baby! Chicago has some of the most strict gun laws in the nation. It is January 18th. In Chicago there have been 27 homicides and 94 people shot. How are those gun laws working out for them? *In case you are too daft to realize that the question was rhetorical--it's NOT working out for them.* Wake up America. Get an education and take a stand. If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything.
January 3, 2013
2012
I can't believe I'm already doing a "wrap up" post about 2012! I feel like it just started. Oh well. Here is everything that happened to me during the past year.
1) I started and completed my first YEAR in college
2) I learned how much I truly love my family and how deeply I miss them when we aren't together
3) I went to a Nickelback concert in SLC
4) I went to a Boys Like Girls, Parachute, and All-American Rejects concert in Blackfoot Idaho
5) I worked the most horrid job ever invented: A call center
6) I got fat
7) I changed my major
8) I decided to make my dream to go to Europe actually happen
9) I decided to take a religious stand
10) I learned how to be independent
11) I learned that I need to think about who I am dating because it actually matters
12) I learned that every time that my parents have said "you're going to look back and say to yourself 'ya know? Mom and dad were right!' " well....they were right. *Don't tell them I said that*
13) I have gained maturity
14) I learned how to laugh at my mistakes
15) I learned to push through the pain
16) I have learned that there must be opposition in all things
17) I have learned that I don't like nasty politics
18) I experienced my first real honest-to-goodness heart break
19) I have learned how to forgive and let go
20) I decided to let the past stay in the past
21) I have learned to ignore what other people say, think, and do. It's not my problem. Let them be
There is probably more. I am just not that focused right not. Over all I have had an amazing year and I don't think I even recognize the person that I was this time last year. Here is to 2012, the start of 2013, new beginnings, and growing for the better.
1) I started and completed my first YEAR in college
2) I learned how much I truly love my family and how deeply I miss them when we aren't together
3) I went to a Nickelback concert in SLC
4) I went to a Boys Like Girls, Parachute, and All-American Rejects concert in Blackfoot Idaho
5) I worked the most horrid job ever invented: A call center
6) I got fat
7) I changed my major
8) I decided to make my dream to go to Europe actually happen
9) I decided to take a religious stand
10) I learned how to be independent
11) I learned that I need to think about who I am dating because it actually matters
12) I learned that every time that my parents have said "you're going to look back and say to yourself 'ya know? Mom and dad were right!' " well....they were right. *Don't tell them I said that*
13) I have gained maturity
14) I learned how to laugh at my mistakes
15) I learned to push through the pain
16) I have learned that there must be opposition in all things
17) I have learned that I don't like nasty politics
18) I experienced my first real honest-to-goodness heart break
19) I have learned how to forgive and let go
20) I decided to let the past stay in the past
21) I have learned to ignore what other people say, think, and do. It's not my problem. Let them be
There is probably more. I am just not that focused right not. Over all I have had an amazing year and I don't think I even recognize the person that I was this time last year. Here is to 2012, the start of 2013, new beginnings, and growing for the better.
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